If a guy ever says his girl is always beautiful, he probably hasn't been married long. Or had kids.

Life isn't as pretty as greeting card companies and chick flick producers make you believe. Yeah, there are those moments when the sun is setting and the light hits your face just right, when there's a slight breeze and your hair blows just the right amount, and somebody is at just the right angle to capture that one pose where you look awesome. But those moments are few and far between. A majority of the time, life is messy.

There are late nights and early mornings. There are arguments and all-out fights. Doubts and debt. And dirty diapers. There are times when you don't want to see each other, much less talk. Times when you say things you don't mean. There are broken hearts and failed plans. There are times when all you want to do is curl up together and go to sleep, but somebody keeps throwing their binky out of the crib over and over and over again.

It is in the midst of these moments, that we have our ugly days.

I hesitate to write what I am going to write next. I fear my honesty might upset my female readers and betray my male readers. However, the truth needs to come out...

We all have ugly days.

Yes, guy-who-just-started-dating-her-and-still-thinks-she-is-perfect-in-every-way, she will have ugly days.

There will be mornings when you roll over and see ... well, her. She will be wearing a combination of those sweats, that t-shirt you wish she would throw out, and a pair of her undeniably unsexy underwear. Her hair will be molded into a shape that makes you think more Don King and less beauty queen. She will still have red pillow lines embedded into the side of her face. Her mascara will give her that goth look that leaves you wondering where she left her army boots. And her breath ... oh, that breath. Toxic. Just toxic. 

She will ask you how she looks. You will instantly become a wordsmith. You won't lie to her, but you will creatively reassure her that she looks ... just fine. You will lean in to kiss her. You will carefully avoid her mouth and give her a peck on the cheek. She will think you are being sweet. You will know you were dodging her breath. You will both get out of bed and go on with your day.

But as you fall more and more in love, something will happen...

There will be a moment when you roll over and see this less-than-glamorous version of your wife, but this time it will be different. As she sits there and explains that she was up all night tending to your little girl, so that you could be rested for your job interview that day, you will realize that she is still the most beautiful girl in the world ... even on her ugly days. 

There is a poem in the Bible that says, "Like a lily among thorns is my darling among the young women." You will realize that even on her thorniest of thorny days, she is still a lily compared to every other girl out there. Regardless of whether she just walked down the aisle or just gave birth to your daughter, she is gorgeous. She is perfect ... even when she isn't perfect. She is the one you want and need. She is your wife and you are so blessed to have her.

For the past six years, I have experienced this realization time and time again. And today, as we celebrate our six-year anniversary, I can honestly say she is the most beautiful girl in the world ... even on her ugly days.

Happy anniversary, Sally. Six years down. Many more to go.

Yesterday I posted some thoughts on the Invisible Children #StopKony campaign. Since that post went up, I have received some great feedback representing several different viewpoints. Today I want to continue the conversation.

First, let me give credit where credit is due. Invisible Children is a hardworking organization. I believe they have good intentions and, in many ways, have succeeded in doing something positive. The world is now aware of what is happening in Uganda. They got us thinking about the unthinkable. That’s incredible. My previous post and this post are not intended to discredit Invisible Children’s efforts. I appreciate their hard work.

Of course, that doesn’t mean I agree with everything they’re doing. Yesterday I discussed my discomfort with the use of violence to “stop Kony.” Today I want to discuss the entire concept of “stopping Kony.”

If you are reading this post, you are aware of who Joseph Kony is. If you have been on Twitter or Facebook in the past few days, you have seen his name … probably more times than you can count. Joseph Kony is famous.

Can you name the names of three children living in Uganda?

Me neither.

And that breaks my heart.

While I understand the need to draw attention to the “bad guys” of the world, I have to wonder if he desires it. What about all the good guys and girls? What about the children? Aren’t they the real heroes? They live in conditions you and I cannot imagine. Yet each day, they press on.

Why can I buy a “Kony 2012” t-shirt but not a t-shirt honoring them?

We like to focus on the negative. Every humanitarian organization I have ever been involved with has been guilty of this. We show pictures of the poorest of the poor are and the sickest of the sick. We use statistics to prove just how horrible it is. It can paint a gloomy picture.

Is there a place for this?

Probably. But it’s not all bad. 

Lives are being changed.

Good is happening.

I’ve seen it. I’ve washed my face in the clean water of a freshly dug well in Africa. I heard their stories. I experienced their hope.

What if all the attention and money going to stop Kony was going to start life-changing programs in Uganda? What if people cared as much about Ugandan health care or education as much as they do this warlord? What if we stopped asking who to stop and started asking what to start?

What could we start?

An AIDS clinic? A stronger economy? Food and clean water for all?

Is it possible that we could overcome evil with good? Paul thought so.

Yesterday, I introduced you to Dan. Today I want to introduce you to Dave and Elvis.

Dave is a friend from Chicago. He just did something crazy. For his fortieth birthday, he ran 40 miles to find sponsors for 40 children in Africa. He did this as part of Team World Vision, a division of World Vision.

World Vision is a Christian humanitarian organization that works in over 100 countries around the world. Their child sponsorship program gives individuals and groups an opportunity to “sponsor” a child for $35 a month. This money helps provide access to things like food, water, health care, and education.

Elvis (pictured above) is one of Dave’s children who still needs a sponsor. He lives in Uganda with his parents and four sisters. He is not in school. He likes playing soccer. His community has been severely affected by AIDS.

Instead of using your resources to stop Kony, would you use your resources to jump start Elvis’s future?

For the price of dinner and a movie, you could change the life of a child in Uganda.

If you are interested, please email my friend Dave at dave.fischer@westbrookchurch.org. He will hook you up. (He also has 10 other children from Uganda.)

By sponsoring a child, you will start something amazing.

That deserves to be on a t-shirt.

What would the world look like if Elvis was more famous than Joseph Kony?

 

I am solely responsible for this post’s content. Although I used to be employed by World Vision, they have not endorsed this post in any way. For World Vision’s take on the issue, please read this blog post.

Image by Invisible Children.

An Introduction
A day and a half ago, a movement started on the internet. A well-known non-profit organization, Invisible Children, launched a campaign to make the name “Joseph Kony” known throughout the world. Since its launch, campaign has been trending on Twitter and Facebook and has been covered by countless news outlets. (For more information, watch this video.)

It has also caused a considerable amount of controversy. Yesterday a blog post went up questioning Invisible Children's tactics. Last night, Invisible Children posted a rebuttal. As I have shared these links, I have received a wide range of responses. I want to take a few minutes to clarify my stance and hopefully add a little to this conversation.

For those of you who have not seen the website or video, Joseph Kony is the leader of the Lord's Resistance Army, a rebel militant group in Northern Uganda.* He has gained a reputation for his practice of taking innocent children and making them soldiers. Invisible Children is looking to draw attention to his actions and put pressure on the government to act in aiding the Uganda military.

I cannot support this.** While there has been debate over some of Invisible Children's financial and media practices, my issue is not with either. My issue is with something bigger, something more important. My issue is with the use of military action to resolve this conflict.

Meet Dan
I want to introduce you to a man I met on my trip to Burma. His name is Dan Buttry. He's brilliant. He works for the American Baptist International Ministries as a global consultant for peace and justice. During my ten days in Southeast Asia, we had several meaningful conversations. He shared his heart with me, and in the process, he became my friend, my mentor, and my hero.

Dan describes himself on his website as...

My area of specialty is conflict transformation. Simply put, conflict transformation means turning conflict from negative, destructive experiences into positive, constructive experiences in which problems are solved, unjust relationships are structured in more just ways, violence is replaced by nonviolent means of dealing with disagreements, torn relationships are reconciled, decisions become more participatory and traumatized people are supported for healing.

Dan believes in the value of peace and justice and nonviolence and their role in the Christian faith. Unlike me, when Dan talks about these issues, he isn't talking about people he'll never met. Dan acts on his convictions. He travels to some of the world's most conflicted places, working to find nonviolent solutions.

He does not believe in fighting — ever. He does believes in peace — always.

As I think about what Dan taught me, I realize that that arming another army is not the solution. As a Christian, I must desire peace.

I want Joseph Kony dead, but...
In a recent interview, Jason Russell, the mind behind Invisible Children said...

We don't want America to be the world police. We don't like war, we want to end war, that's what we're doing.

He continued...

I'm a pacifist at heart. I love Gandhi, Dr. Martin Luther King; those are my idols. And just in this specific case, it's going to take a strategic force of last resort to go in and capture Kony.

Make no mistake, Joseph Kony has done horrible things. In fact, as a father, when I think about the things he's done to children, I want him dead. I want us to use all means possible — including military action — to bring his abusive reign to an end.

But I can't give into this to this instinctive urge. I must believe that there is a better way. No matter how evil I think Joseph Kony is, I cannot deny my convictions and call for violence.

I know this is controversial, especially in the western world, but I believe in nonviolence. I believe peace is possible. I do not believe it is possible to be a pacifist like Gandhi or King and then claim that there are specific cases for violence. Nonviolence is nonviolence no matter how evil the opposition.

I don't say this to point my finger at Indivisible Children.*** I say this to point to something better.

I believe in that.
Jesus, in his most famous sermon, preached...

You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. (Matthew 5:43-45 NIV)

Personally, I believe this is one of the most difficult teachings in the entire Bible. Hate is easy. Love is hard. Loving somebody like Joseph Kony? That's near impossible. Yet that is what I am called to do.

So I am proposing a radical idea... Instead of signing a petition or sharing a link, let's commit to something bigger. Let's commit to praying for Joseph Kony.

I'm don't mean praying a few little prayers over the next couple days, but real heartfelt prayer. I mean letting him into our souls, praying until we love him. Let's pray for God to call the creative to use their God-given gifts to find a better way — a nonviolent solution. Let’s pray for more peacemakers like Dan.

What difference will this make? I don't know. But I do know that God is in the business of turning evil to good, unrighteous to righteous. There was once a man named Paul. He gained a reputation for his practice of killing innocent Christians. He then went on to write two-thirds of the New Testament. I believe in that.

I believe in miracles. I believe in redemption and resurrection. And I believe in peace.

Let’s pray.

I realize that these are extremely complex issues. I also realize I am very naive and still have a lot to learn. Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments.

 

An Update
A friend of mine shared a great blog post that tells the story of Angelina Atyam, a woman who's fourteen-year-old daughter was taken by the Lord's Resistance Army. Although she had a very justifiable reason to call for violence, she did not. Instead, she did something amazing.

I encourage you to check it out. Here's the link...
http://www.patheos.com/blogs/jonathanwilsonhartgrove/2012/03/a-nonviolent-response-to-joseph-kony/

Another Update
National Geographic has posted a great interview with Evelyn Amony, a former Lord Resistance Army child soldier and the current director of the northern Ugandan organization Friends of Orphans. He discusses the approach of Invisible Children, saying...

Invisible Children are known in Northern Uganda as an organization supporting the education of former abductees, which is much needed in the region. But they are not known as a peace building organization and I do not think they have experience with peace building and conflict resolution methods. I totally disagree with their approach of military action as a means to end this conflict.

It is definitely worth a read. Here's the link...
http://newswatch.nationalgeographic.com/2012/03/09/kony-2012-a-view-from-northern-uganda/ 

 

* There is some debate over whether he is still in Northern Uganda. For a better overview of the situation, click here.
** In the interest of full disclosure, I must admit that I did sign the petition. Two nights ago, I watched the video, got excited, and added my name to the list. Looking back, I wish I had been more thoughtful. I wish I had taken the time to educate myself on the issues before acting.
*** Invisible Children has done a lot of good. If it wasn't for their efforts, we wouldn't be discussing these issues. For that, I praise their hard work.

It's one thing to read a book or watch a documentary about a religion or a lifestyle. It's another thing to see it practiced in real life. With that in mind, I decided to contact a local Buddhist teacher to see if she would be willing to sit down and discuss her faith. She was more than happy to chat. So, the week before last, we meet for an hour and a half and had an unbelievable conversation.

I want to take a moment to reflect on the tone of our conversation...

I didn't know what to expect. She is the first Buddhist teacher I've ever met. Actually, she's the first Buddhist I've ever met. New people scare me. New people of new faiths? That's extra scary. I didn't know if she was going to try to convert me or at least change my mind on certain issues? I didn't know if she would be okay with me being a Christian? Or a Baptist?*  I didn't know ... and that scared me.

It turns out, Buddhist aren't all that scary. In fact, she was extremely inviting. From the moment I walked in the door, I felt like she wanted me there. She wanted to hear my story. She cared. She grew up Methodist and related to my journey in the church.

There was no judging. There was no converting. There was listening and learning ... on both sides. Throughout our discussion, we found places where we agreed and disagreed. At times, Buddhism and Christianity seemed to fit together quite well. At other times, they did not. But we were okay with that. We respected each other and each other's beliefs. This gave the entire conversation a friendly and familiar tone.

I also want to take a moment to share one of the things I learned from our conversation...

One common misunderstanding about Buddhism is that the goal is to no longer have desire.** As I have described in my pervious posts, Buddhist strive to live in the here and the now. They long to be awakened in the very moment they find themselves in. In many ways, desire counters this. Desire is longing for something other than your present condition. In a sense, the goal of Buddhism is to find peace and contentment exactly where you are.

Prior to our meeting, I struggled with this idea because I believe we should long for something better than our present condition. I long to see people overcome oppression and poverty. I long to see homeless people find homes and unemployed people find jobs. In my own family, I long to provide the best for Ollie. I struggle to find peace and contentment exactly where I am.

The teacher helped clarify this. She explained that it is acceptable to have desire. We all long for things. There is nothing wrong with that. The wrong is clinging to the outcome of our desires. We cannot become so connected to our view of how things should be that we become disconnected from how things are.

Here's a prime example: Several years ago my wife volunteered to help out with a youth group. A young girl in the group was diagnosed with cancer. The church, especially the youth, prayed and prayed and prayed for her healing. However, in the end, she passed away. When she did, many of the youth doubted their faith. They couldn't understand why they had failed.

Was it wrong for them to pray for her healing? No. That is a healthy desire. It is a desire we should all have. But it was wrong for them to cling to the outcome of their desire. They became so connected to their view of how things should be that they were disappointed in God when things ended up another way.***

A Buddhist teacher taught me how to improve my prayer life. That's pretty awesome.

There is much more I could write about. Our time together was filled with insights and new understanding. She helped me realize that I don't have to forsake my Christian faith to implement some Buddhist practices. Yes, there are things I don't agree with ... but there are things I do. And those things can help me serve God. And for that, I thank my new Buddhist teacher.

 

* Baptists haven't exactly gained a reputation for being the most open-minded people around.
** The book I read for my class seems to stress this. For this reason, the teacher recommended a different book as an introduction to Buddhism.
*** I do not blame the youth. They were taught to pray this way. I do not blame their teachers. Cancer is overwhelming, especially when it involves somebody so young. It is nearly impossible to know how to correctly handle it. They were simply doing the best they could.

This post is a part of a series of posts documenting my trip to Burma. For more information about my trip, click here. For most posts in this series, click here.

Image by Gustav Astorga.

I was originally going to write some reflections on my visit with a Buddhist teacher earlier this week. I still plan on doing that, but I realized I should probably do a bit more reflection on the religion before diving into that specific experience.

Well, hang on... I just referred to Buddhism as a religion. I actually feel a little odd doing so. Buddhism isn't like most religions. Buddhism doesn't really talk about God. It doesn't deny or affirm his existence. Instead, it focuses on only the things we can see and experience. It values perception over belief.

In fact, the ultimate goal of a Buddhist is to see and experience the world as it really is. They refer to this as being "enlightened" or "awakened." When one is in this state of being, they are truly living moment-by-moment. They are completely aware of the world around them.

They aren't zoned out.
They aren't reflecting on yesterday or planning for tomorrow.
They are there ... right there.

On one hand, I struggle with this. As a Christian, I believe in a lot of things. I believe in a whole reality known as the Kingdom of God that exist apart from my perception. But, on the other hand, I appreciate this concept of living in the moment.

It is something I wrestle with. I battle with anxiety. I worry ... all the time. And I constantly miss moments because of it. Too often I miss an opportunity to be with Sally or Ollie because I am somewhere else stressing about something else. I am there ... but not really.

The author of one of my books on Buddhism compares it to being out on a run. He says that most of us are like the runner wearing headphones. We are moving along the path but unaware of what is happening around us. We need to take the headphones off and experience the path — both the good and the bad it has to offer. We need to hear our feet hitting the ground. We need to see the trees passing by. We need to smell the flowers. We need to feel each step. We need to be present ... right there.

I need that in my life.
I need to experience the path.
I need to be present ... right here.

Before I start getting angry emails, let me make it very clear that I am not forsaking my belief in God or heaven or anything else. I still hold them very dear to my heart. I am a Christian. No doubt about it.

But I also think I might be learning something from my new Buddhist friends. I think they are teaching me how to let go and live. I am seeing the value in some of their practices. They — more than anybody — know how to live in this enlightened state. They know how to be awakened to the world around them. They know how to overcome unwanted desires and unnecessary concerns and just exist.

Honestly, this isn't that crazy of an idea. Doesn't Hebrews tell us...

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us... (Hebrews 12:1 NIV)

That's what I want. I want to throw off everything that hinders. I want to throw off the sin that so easily entangles. I want to take the headphones off and run.

I want to be present ... right here.

This post is a part of a series of posts documenting my trip to Burma. For more information about my trip, click here. For most posts in this series, click here.